My blood type is coffee. My love language is caffeine. Don't talk to me before 9 AM.

Me: 'Just 5 more minutes on TikTok.' *3 hours later* My brain: 'Did you even blink?'

Bought it online, looked great. Arrived, looked like a potato sack. The internet is a liar.

Ordered a 'chic minimalist' lamp. Got a glorified glow stick. My aesthetic is now 'underwhelming'.

My boss's filter turned him into a potato for 10 mins. Best Zoom meeting ever. #WorkFromHome

That moment you make eye contact with someone eating a full meal on the train.

Me: 'I need this!' *adds to cart* Package arrives: 'What even IS this?' #OnlineShoppingRegrets