Me watching sports: 'HE'S A FRAUD! BENCH HIM!' Also me: 'It's just a game.'

My team won. I'm pretty sure I just screamed so loud my neighbors called the cops. Worth it.

My team won. I'm getting a tattoo. My team lost. I'm burning my jersey. #SportsFans

My team won. I've already bought a parade float and named my firstborn after the MVP.

My team loses: 'Fire everyone! This is unacceptable!' My team wins: 'I knew it all along!'

My team scores: 'WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!' My team concedes: 'FIRE EVERYONE! THIS IS A DISGRACE!'

Me at the gym: 'I'm a fitness guru!' Also me: 'Is this machine for sitting?'