My brain during exams: 'You know this! You studied this!' Also my brain: 'What's the capital of France?'

Me trying to study for exams while my brain is buffering 'existential dread'.

Bought it online, looked great. Arrived, looked like a potato sack. The internet is a liar.

My boss's filter turned him into a potato for 10 mins. Best Zoom meeting ever. #WorkFromHome

That moment you make eye contact with someone eating a full meal on the train.

Me: 'I need this!' *adds to cart* Package arrives: 'What even IS this?' #OnlineShoppingRegrets

My blood type is coffee. My personality type is 'don't talk to me before my second cup'.