Ordered a gourmet burger, got a sad patty on a napkin. My soul is as deflated as that bun.

Attempted a soufflé. Now my kitchen looks like a science experiment gone wrong. Send fire extinguisher.

Tried making a 'gourmet' grilled cheese. Ended up with a charcoal brick and a smoke alarm concert.

Tried to bake a cake, ended up with a charcoal briquette. Send help.

Ordered a gourmet burger. Got a sad patty on a bun that looks like it lost a fight.

Attempted gourmet. Ended up with a charcoal briquette that used to be dinner. Send pizza.

Ordered a gourmet burger, got a sad patty in a bun. My disappointment is immeasurable.